Next

I am not so good at dealing with uncertainty. It's true. I always want to know what's next.

Whenever I have a tough moment, I always think about how I could just do something entirely different, and I depend on that to buoy me up until I can make a next step at whatever is causing the trouble or self-doubt. I never actually do these things, but they comfort me, and then I muster the courage to keep trying at the task at hand. (Last week, my life raft was this idea of spending my days in my grandfather's basement, learning woodcarving.)

It was tough getting to work earlier this week. I really, really wanted to stay in bed one morning and avoid all the nuttiness. But my brain said "Will you really feel better about things if you don't face them?" And one teensy little part of my brain said, "Yeah!" But most of it sighed and admitted, "No. You will just feel cowardly and small." So I made it, and snapped this shot of the Lincoln Center sunset after work—my little reward for getting through the day. And here I am on Thursday, still kicking. But...I found out today that I didn't get the new job I've been waiting to hear about. There was a lot riding on this opportunity, so my head is spinning a bit.

I want to know what's next, but I have to just take it slow. I'm going out to nature this weekend, so I'm sure that will help me clear my head.

Tea season

Is there anything so glorious as tea season? OK, maybe this:
The rest of a grey New York Sunday is not half bad, either...

(View from the 10th floor of the Flatiron Building, thanks to a friend who has an office inside!)

Halloween is coming!

People, I have discovered that there is no better cure for feeling sad (which has been my state the past few days, sorry to say) than the anticipation of Halloween.

I love Halloween. I love picking a costume and hunting for/making the pieces and putting it all together. I am not a fan of costumes in a bag...I love putting together the whole costume too much, and have found that I can usually do costumes cheaper my way, too! (See: Chris's 2008 Mozart "pantaloons" made outta $5 white sweatpants and knee socks; 2009's Buffy the Vampire Slayer stake, whittled at home from a $3 wooden dowel.)

This year, I'm especially excited about my costume. I chose it ages ago, but have only just started finding the pieces. I'm going to go as Kaylee from the TV show "Firefly." This cheers me up even more than most costumes, because Kaylee is an incredibly cheery character. She's the mechanic on a spaceship and can fix anything. Even when sh** is hitting the fan,

Kaylee will dig in, fix the problem, and respond with a bright "Everything's shiny, cap'n."

(Plus, I love wearing my hair in pigtail knots like that. I do it when no one is home. It makes me look 12.)

So, if you happen to have some olive green coveralls and/or size 6 combat boots I can borrow, lemme know...!