This blessed, golden season is bringing me back to my self again. It's rained less than usual. And it's been warmer than usual. Weather really can lift my mood.I'm trying to snap out of a cycle of self-defeat. I keep shooting down possibilities before I try them, and keep convincing myself that I can't do things that maybe I *could* do. Just dealing with uncertainty is enough without this kind of thinking—the combination prevents the thrill of possibility from creeping up behind the uncertainty and just creates a scary void. I had lots of unstructured time today to just think, catch up on my to-do list, and exercise. It was glorious. I though a lot about how much I love learning things, and I'm craving a new learning experience in a big way.
Lunchtime on Wednesday, after lots of editing in front of a screen. I started feeling a bit shaky and weird, and decided that I must just be overtired/hungry/computered-out. So I bundled up and decided to try for one of the last outdoor lunches of the season. I parked myself outside of Juilliard, had my sandwich, and felt no better. By 4pm, I had to leave work with various shakes and aches.
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