Next

I am not so good at dealing with uncertainty. It's true. I always want to know what's next.

Whenever I have a tough moment, I always think about how I could just do something entirely different, and I depend on that to buoy me up until I can make a next step at whatever is causing the trouble or self-doubt. I never actually do these things, but they comfort me, and then I muster the courage to keep trying at the task at hand. (Last week, my life raft was this idea of spending my days in my grandfather's basement, learning woodcarving.)

It was tough getting to work earlier this week. I really, really wanted to stay in bed one morning and avoid all the nuttiness. But my brain said "Will you really feel better about things if you don't face them?" And one teensy little part of my brain said, "Yeah!" But most of it sighed and admitted, "No. You will just feel cowardly and small." So I made it, and snapped this shot of the Lincoln Center sunset after work—my little reward for getting through the day. And here I am on Thursday, still kicking. But...I found out today that I didn't get the new job I've been waiting to hear about. There was a lot riding on this opportunity, so my head is spinning a bit.

I want to know what's next, but I have to just take it slow. I'm going out to nature this weekend, so I'm sure that will help me clear my head.